Confidence Isn't About Being Loud. It's About Not Giving a F*ck (Anymore)

From Impostor Syndrome to Inner Power -- What Actually Works! 

Let's be real for a moment. 

A lot of people are struggling with confidence right now. Maybe you are too -- maybe that's why you opened this blog. 

Maybe you're reading this instead of sending that message, pitching your idea, applying for that position, or finally taking a chance on something that actually lights you up. Hesitating on starting that new relationship? 

It's hard when you're surrounded by successful, polished, seemingly unstoppable people -- and, you feel like the one outsider in the room wondering if you even belong. 

Confidence isn't something you're born with. It's something you build by learning how to stop giving a damn what people think about you.

And, trust me -- I learned this the hard way. 

When Confidence Was Just a Mask

In my early days of teaching Reiki, I didn't feel like a master of anything. 

I had years of personal healing under my belt. I had the training. But, when I walked into certain rooms -- especially around people who seemed smarter, wealthier, more put-together -- I shrank. I second-guessed every word I said. I over-explained. I didn't trust that what I offered was enough. I wrote and rewrote and rewrote again my presentations.

They call it impostor syndrome, and if you've ever felt it -- you know how crushing it can be. 

"I have written eleven books, but each time, 'Uh-oh, they're going to find me out now." -- Maya Angelou 

Yesss! Even, Maya - freakin' Maya Angelou felt like a fraud sometimes. 

What Confidence Actually Feels Like 

It's not about walking into a room and being the most outspoken or the sexiest.  

Confidence is walking into the room, knowing: 

• You don't need to prove anything. 
• You belong there -- whether anyone claps for you or not. 
• You're not here to compete. You're here to contribute.
  

Confidence is walking into a room knowing you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, because your presence already speaks volumes.

Real confidence feels quiet. Centered. Strong. And, it comes from inside - not from how many people think you're amazing. That's on the outside. Confidence comes from your center, your solar plexus (just above your belly button where your power vibes live), deep in your gut. And, you know this! You've got this!!!! 

The Mind-Body Connection: What Science Says 

According to Dr. Amy Cuddy, social psychologist and author of Presence, our body posture influences our feelings of power. Her TED Talk, "Your Body Language May Shape Who You are," highlights how simple shifts in how we carry ourselves can reshape our internal state. 

Right now, check in to your body. Are you hunched over? Feeling small? Is your arm behind your neck? Or, are you spread out in your space? This is your body interacting and communicating with the world around you and with yourself. We are influenced by our non-verbal expressions; our body language shapes our perceptions. 

Dr. Cuddy has studied how our 'non-verbals' govern how we feel about ourselves. 

"Don't fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it!" -- Dr. Amy Cuddy 

Our bodies change our minds. When we intentionally hold space in our bodies -- stand tall, breathe deeply, root our feet -- we're not just "acting" confident. We're becoming it. So lift your head, open your chest, and let that solar plexus power vibe shine.

So How Do You Actually Build Confidence? 

Here's what I've learned -- both from my practice and my own messy, real-life wellness journey: 

1. Feel the Fear. Then, Do it Anyway. 

The email. The message. The idea. The risk... heart open, one step forward. Confidence comes from doing the scary thing -- not waiting until it doesn't feel scary anymore. Because you know what? It may ALWAYS feel scary! 

During my communication career in Toronto, I spent a day with Jordan Belfort (yes, from Wolf of Wall Street fame). He shared that every time he spoke, he grounded himself with a sound—something like a tiger’s snarl—and pulled his fists in tight to his body. That was his anchor, his way to lock into presence. Feel rooted and grounded ready to sell.

Sweet, I can hear your snarl from here .... 

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear." -- Mark Twain

2. Stop Making Everyone God, Almighty. 

That peer you are comparing yourself to? Guess what?! They are human. That person on social media, the gorgeous Influencer with the great hair and perfect kids - smoke and mirrors. You may find her lifestyle crashed on TMZ in a few months. Nah, I wish the best for all but you catch my drift, right?! People are not as confident or organized or glowed up as they seem! We all put our underwear on one leg at a time... 

The less you pedestal others, the easier it is to stand in your own truth. 

3. Take Care of Your Energy. Period. 

Ok, I know you were waiting to where I was going to bring Reiki in - well, here it is - Reiki changed the game for me.

When I started working with energy - working consistently -- even for 5-10 minutes a day -- something shifted. 

It wasn't magic. It was intention. It was presence. 

I wasn't leaking energy trying to impress people. I wasn't spiraling every time I was questioned. I was grounded. Connected. And, slowly, I started trusting myself. 

Reiki supports your nervous system, your mental clarity. Reiki helps dissolve the emotional fog that keeps you doubting yourself. 

Setting the intention to be consistent cements the outcome for your best good! When your energy is aligned, confidence becomes your baseline -- not something you pine for or chase. 

4. Celebrate Every Win (Even the Ick Ones) 

Confidence is built through evidence. When you show up -- even imperfectly -- and, you don't die from embarrassment --- well, that's your proof. 

You survived. You grew. You're doing better than you think. Have a slice of cake and blow out the candles. Or treat yourself to your passion - I see you - you're jumping for joy and hell, you deserve a parade! 

Real Talk: You're Not Alone 

A client of mine - let's call him James -- was terrified to speak up at work. He was brilliant, but soft-spoken. Every time he had a good idea, he'd talk himself out of saying anything.

After a few Reiki sessions and some intentional journaling practices, James started noticing where the fear lived in his body -- and, started working with it, instead of fighting it. 

He told me: 

"I still get nervous. But now I don't let it stop me. I know how to come back to myself. Hand on my gut, my solar plexus brain, I've got this!" 

That’s my goat 🐐🔥! That's confidence! Not the absence of nerves -- but the presence of self-trust. That's knowing your body and your worth! Major bragging rights unlocked 💯

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Today.

Tiny steps.

Stand tall. So what if it's a little messy, keep the self-love strong. 

Say the thing. Let it be awkward. And, still - love yourself through it.

You've got this. Big proud vibes ✨And, remember confidence isn't about being loud, it's about not giving a f*ck (anymore).