by, Calah Brooks 

Many of us Moms struggle to put ourselves first. We have been programmed to put everyone’s needs at the top of the list but our own. We spend so much time tending, caring and cleaning for everyone around us that we forget about ourselves. We always come last. Perfect example was tonight when I bought dessert for two but when the kids came for dinner, my long awaited weekend treat went to the youngest child at the table who then gave it to his Dad who ate it without even noticing the parents were going without.

I rant and now I breathe. This is but a small example of what Mom’s do daily. They give freely.

 When a child turns away from their Mother suddenly it is the deepest hurt a Mother can have. She suffers a loss so great that the pain has been proven to bring on a heart attack.

The problem is that as a Mom you have given so much and have an expectation not to receive. The one expectation you do have is that your children will be around - not daily, but they will check in and remember you on Mother’s Day; say hello.

For many and I mean many, this is NOT the case. More and more children are dropping out of their parent’s lives at 25-40 years of age. The statistics don’t begin to explain why.

All of a sudden your adult child hates you. They blame their issues on your parenting and truly feel it is in their best interest to walk away from their Mother.

 Many children receive therapy at this time of their lives and the therapist pins their anxiety on Mom.  (Don’t start writing in to complain, there are a lot of amazing therapists out there but there are also a few who immediately point at the child’s female relationships as the underlying issue.)

Whatever the reason, estrangement can stem from your child’s new partner, trauma, a multitude of reasons true to your child’s thoughts at the time.

 It makes Mother’s Day a barrel of fun, doesn’t it? Other siblings are either angry st the child who has estranged themselves and voice it or treat the estrangement like the elephant in the room avoiding any updates on said sibling or the situation at large.

So how do we survive Mother's Day? American Psychologist Joshua Coleman prescribes Moms to be self-interested. “Think of something that would genuinely give you pleasure (on Mother’s Day) or something to look forward to in the future.”

 It is hard to find those who understand the heartbreak of estrangement. Hopefully a close family member or friend can be with you. If not, there are several Facebook support groups for estranged parents that can help with no judgement. Estranged patents have been there or are going through the same as you are. You do not have to be alone.

Often with estrangement we have no idea for the cause of the estrangement. Other times we know full well what we did and feel miserable and suicidal.

First off,  if you are feeling suicidal, please call in Canada 1-833-456-4566, in the US call Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Dear Moms, Be kind to yourself. Take time for yourself. Do not judge yourself. You were the best parent you could be with your knowledge base at the time! Being in the present moment will help your journey moving forward. Use the mantra “I am,” breathing it in and out slowly for at least three minutes. More, if you can to ground yourself and regain calm. You have got this. Feel your energy shift. In the present moment with no judgment, you are safe.

 One day your child may return but for today it is about you, Mom.xo Love you.


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